I clearly remember going into youth ministry doubting my ability. Surprisingly, it wasn’t my lack of education that worried me (I had taken one religion class in four years of college). I wasn’t too concerned with my Christian history (I’d been a believer only three years). And I wasn’t aware that to be successful you had to grow a goatee (thank goodness, since I couldn’t). What almost scared me away from becoming a youth pastor was my lack of creativity. I kid you not. Math was my favorite subject – that should tell you something. I thought too logically to be creative.

Knowing that the brain is capable of doing a one-eighty, I consistently tried to enhance my creative skills in youth ministry. I often say “I’m not the creative type” although I have my rare bright shining moments. But what was I basing it upon? I can’t draw. I don’t play the guitar. And I’d rather work in Microsoft Publisher than Adobe Photoshop. I was convinced – I’m not creative. But it didn’t seem to add up.

While John Maxwell has yet to take hold of this principle, I’m convinced that one of the key leadership qualities of this decade is creativity. That’s not a statement to youth ministry. That includes your leadership and your job. Creative people are indespensible. If only someone more prolific than I would write to that affect.

Let me introduce you to Scott Belsky – founder and CEO of Behance. A brilliant young Christian mind who’s book “Make Ideas Happen” is a Wall Street Journal Bestseller. His company thrives on creativity – from studying global leaders in this area, to creating his own innovative products. In a recent web post, Belsky identified The Top 5 Qualities of Productive Creatives. He believes these are creative qualities that supersede all others:

1. Communication Skills
2. Pro-activeness
3. Problem-solving
4. Curiosity
5. Risk-taking

Twirl that around for awhile. Then evaluate yourself. Perhaps you are more (or less) creative than you thought. Of course artsy friends of mine probably would disagree from the list above. But I’m not trying to make a living by selling abstract art.

Now go be creative. Don’t hold back. God didn’t.

Disappointments are very deep issues in the human heart. Aside from losing a loved one, they may be the next most emotionally exhausting aspect of life. A distant second compared to life and death, but hard nevertheless. Although few would understand the grief I’m having to face right now, I’m sure we’ve all been in a similar place. Disappointed. For me, it is dealing with a calf strain – which has come at precisely the wrong time, days before my next marathon. After failing to qualify for Boston last Fall, I have found myself putting together months of solid runs. Yet here I am facing the second running disappointment in a row. The first involved running over 3 hours only to fall short by 29 seconds. And now, incapable of running 100 meters let alone 26.2 miles. What is almost as mind-blowing is how my heart has dealt with my most recent disappointment.

For two weeks I’ve known about my injury. I’ve tried desperately to do all I can to restore my leg to running condition. Seeing therapists, purchasing products, taking rest, the list goes on. Four days out from Grandma’s Marathon and I still refused to believe I’d have to sit out – despite being unable to run a block. Interesting how I found myself running away from disappointment, from a difficult reality.

Why does it seem like I’m the only with disappointments? I’m not clueless – obviously others face them too. But I’ve never thought to ask others. And even in this postermodern era, people shy away from this type of vulnerability. Is it because it’s such a sensitive, personal issue? Is it because when you’re disappointed you don’t want to process it aloud? I certainly don’t. I do, however, want to get it out. The perplexing thought is how do I process this with God.

I can see how on-the-fence Christians start pointing the finger at God. Let’s be honest it’s stupid that any of us would do that. And I am not advocating we do. But that flesh side of us wants to shift the blame. We want to know why we had to go through that disappointment. Why me? Why that?

Several days ago I remember talking with God. I told him how I didn’t see running as a god to me. Rather, it was a place of spiritual retreat each time I ran. I checked my heart. Therefore it seemed appropriate to question God. “You’re in control right God – so why did you let this happen?” I’m not ashamed to confess that. I have yet to sense God’s disappointment in me saying that. Is it not written in Job – “In all this Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”  I’m absolutely confident God would rather us come knocking on his door with our complaints than to disregard God’s role in our everyday lives. But I still don’t feel comfortable putting this on God. Again, wasn’t his fault. But maybe God does have some involvement. What if ______? I’m waiting on God to complete that sentence. For him to reveal the good that will come in me missing this marathon – and therefore missing out on a much anticipated field trip to Boston in April.

God already started ministering to my soul. It came early in the book “Don’t Waste Your Life” – the book I’m currently working through. One quick line, so don’t miss it. Piper says “He [God] is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” Let that minister to you this day.

May we allow God to help bear our disappointments rather than blame him for life’s disappointments. Within every disappointment is a dark place. Let us not run from God, or to sinful strongholds. But embrace the grace that will restore a right spirit within.

I’m going to get real with you here. By real I mean vulnerable. And by vulnerable I mean share something very personal – a heavy dose of my weakness as a leader and as a person. Not sure if it helps set the tone for you, or just helps me to take a huge gulp before going any further.

After reading through the first half of DNA of Relationships, I came to a helpful self-realization. Let me pause to say this book is the absolute best read if you are looking for one of the following: (1) to understand yourself better, including your fears, wants, needs, issues, etc.  (2) you want to heal a relationship – particularly within a marriage, with your kids, or whomever you live with. There, that’s my plug. At least read the first two chapters.

Back to my self-realization – my greatest fear is failure.

That felt like a ton of bricks being dropped on a Ford pick-up truck. I just hope I’m built Ford tough to deal with people’s perceptions of me now. **  My fear of failure is the root of all evil. Ok, not really, but it certainly has led me to accomplish much this far in my life. However, it has also about destroyed me. She’s one beast I can’t let get the best of me.

It was brought to my attention by another blog writer who I don’t know, that my fear of failure has led me down another ill-gotten path. Being controlling. After reading THIS article about terrible leadership, and then talking it over with my wife, it dawned on me that again the problem rests with my fear of failure. In case you decided not to click on “THIS” then let me share my issue. In a nutshell I’m not naturally an empowering leader. That’s true in my home and with my friends, and certainly in the workplace.

I have this love/difficulty relationship with the Holy Spirit, particularly in times like this. Like when I read a top ten list, hoping that it doesn’t describe me, and then the Holy Spirit goes Chuck Norris on me. The beauty of my relationship with God is that I can be honest with the Holy Spirit and accept conviction. It’s writing about my wrongs that is rough. So why write (aren’t we all thinking it)? Essentially because it validates God’s grace; my acknowledging poor leadership within myself; and to invite you to roundhouse kick me as well – in love of course.

If you would be so inclined, please share with me how you see my controlling nature at work. Hold those comments for email [jonk@valley-church.com]. However, consider giving feedback in the comment section below as well. Do you struggle with fear of failure? Or would you say you’re controlling? If either, what remedies have you put into practice which help overcome one struggle or the other?

Last weekend I attended a wedding, that Kelly was a bridesmaid in. It was an outdoor wedding. I haven’t been much of a fan of outdoor weddings. Particularly when it pours all day until thirty minutes before the ceremony. Imagine the temperature going from 69 to 80 in less than two hours. It was an experience – one to write about. * On the way up to Minnesota, I was telling Kelly that I don’t get outdoor weddings. Why not do it inside – even if just for being more functional. Weather issues, umbrellas, sweating, non-existent bathrooms, dirty – and particularly risky. I’m a little partial to the church facility too. But this experience triggered an unusual thought – this was the most Judeo-Christian wedding I’ve ever attended. Is it perhaps more “biblical” to attend a wedding similar to the one I recently took part in? Let’s look at a first century wedding that is recorded in Scripture. John 2 says that Jesus attended a wedding with his family members and a few of his friends. It is very possible this was an outdoor wedding. And obviously, by the text, involved an abundance of wine. Not much different than what I recently experienced. Now don’t go assuming how much wine yours truly consumed. Stay on subject here.   I was quite enamored by the whole set-up. Wedding ceremony between two Jesus-loving Christians. Followed by a wine-tasting social gathering, which flowed into a feast. I almost forgot to mention the yard games during “social hour” (they cleverly termed it as such) – it was a fantastic scene. My attention to the weather waned as I was consumed with the parallels between John 2 and this wedding. Of course there were aspects that differed from a traditional Jewish wedding – that which recognized Jesus as both Lord and Bridegroom for all who gathered in this grassy field. And no miracle took place during this wedding – well no changing water into wine anyways. Judah being quiet during the ceremony may have been a miracle.

I’m very intrigued by this concept. A Judeo-Christian wedding. How sweet. Nothing like shooting a hole in my previously held disliking for outdoor weddings. For me, this was a worshipful experience. Plus, I’m so obsessed with Jesus that I love when circumstances allow me to imagine being in Scripture with my Savior.

I received a phone call this past week from a co-worker of mine. He had some news to share with me that he thought would get me really excited. Knowing my love for running, and particularly marathons, he began to pitch this idea: let’s go run the Great Wall Marathon in China.
Let me insert an important note here; I love China. Having been there twice, I am constantly longing to return. One would think that being that I have a heart for marathons and for China, I’d know about the Great Wall Marathon. False. This was new news to me. I almost bought a plane ticket I was that excited. Can you imagine – running 26.2 miles up and down a stretch of the Great Wall? It’ll be brutal. There are 5164 steps to run up and down. But it will be so worth it. The view from the Great Wall is incredible. And, in my opinion, it’s likely the greatest manmade structure ever built.

If I had a bucket list, this would have a solid shot at the top. The idea of a bucket list sounds cool but have no idea where to start with the brainstorming. But this struck a new thought – what if I had a marathon bucket list. I started imagining – if I could run a marathon anywhere, where would I want to complete the 26.2 stretch?

This is the list I came up with:

Weihe Grand Bridge – the longest bridge in the world, and just so happens to be in my home away from home country, China.

Moon – surely this does not seem feasible, but then again how many of my favorites seem to be feasible. Just roll with it. Imagine the view of earth, while running 26.2 miles on rocks. Would really demolish the Boston qualifying time – assuming Neil Armstrong is right and that mankind can leap. **

Mammoth Cave – the longest stretch of cave in the entire world at 367 miles long. That’s more than twice as long as the second lengthiest cave. It can be found in Kentucky; or online.

Jerusalem – this would honestly be incredible. Marathon running is 90% mental. I wonder if I’d be so amazed with the structures and significance of Jerusalem to ever notice that I’m running 138,336 feet.

Jurassic Park – seriously how sweet would this be. Running by a bunch of dinosaurs. According to the picture, I think maybe this marathon has been done before. A little dangerous. But a great cheering section.

Noah’s Ark – I’d have forty days to complete it. And I’d probably win, since my competition would include just 8 others.

I don’t know if it can get any grandeur than the Great Wall Marathon. I’d almost have to quit running marathons afterwards – for how could it get any better.

A year after graduating another stellar class of high school seniors, it was time to get the group back together. With one year of college behind them, I was excited to catch up and hear all sorts of stories. They didn’t disappoint. I admit there was a sense of nostalgia, however, I was more so reminded that those days seem far removed from this old man’s life. Nevertheless, I enjoyed dialoguing with these students. After going through what I believe to be the most shaping year of life, there happened to flow some interesting answers to the questions I was posing. That first year of college is filled with new opportunities as well as a new set of disasters. I believe a greater number of students have been crushed coming out of that first year than have been victorious. My scale of determining this is based not only on the spiritual realm (which is central to life, so arguably most important) but also in terms of maturing, physically taking care of their body and the mind, and being good stewards with their money (the greatest degree is dropping out and losing thousands). The 13^th grade is concerning. Search hundreds of statistics and they will virtually all tell you the destruction that high school graduates face the following year. As a high school pastor, I’m deeply bothered by this. There has to be a different way.

One student alluded to the importance of going through rough times your freshman year of college. His point was essentially that choosing to engage in sin and recklessness is part of growing up. As if one needs to experience the world in order to become a better person. As appalling as this was, I believe this is the mindset of many college freshmen. Our young people have been patterned by this world. I decided to put my brain to work to see if there would be some way to undo this pit of mass destruction. I have an answer – hypothetical anyways.

That first year out of high school, students would engage in a one year project. And there would be numerous options from which to choose. With the help of the parents, school counselor, and youth pastor (for those who applies to) – students would spend their senior year finding and applying for their one year project. Though not limited to just this list, this gives you an idea of what I’m referring to. Graduates could do a year-long mission trip, serve in the military, join the Peace Corps, volunteer at a local homeless shelter, participate in a Jesus-like field trip (learn God’s Word, do ministry, serve…), etc. Students would not pay to participate in these experiences, although it would not be seen as a way to make and save money either. The purpose would be to give graduates a place to mature, discover themselves, and focus on others. Quite an achievement given that this is the most “me” focused period in life. It would remove the majority of roadblocks which students are currently abusing their freshman year of college.

Unlike working right out of college, this year-long project has a definite stopping point. It also doesn’t bring in lots of money – which typically attracts students to never going into college once they have a steady income. This would get students away from home, in a constructive environment, for one year. Afterwards they can pursue whatever their heart desires – hopefully school. At this point they would be much more likely to succeed without falling into the pit.

It isn’t perfect, but the more I dwell on this option, the more I may leverage my influence with future graduates to change the course of their future with a simple twelve month commitment.

Recently I have been convinced that this blog is not my own. Let’s be honest, who wants to listen to just me. That’s rhetorical, so you don’t need to remind me ** So I decided that it would be wonderful to have other people’s perspectives as well. I plan to do some blog interviews from time to time. The first is an interview with my brother Dan. He’s three years younger but ten times smarter. My brother has a different worldview. In some ways I believe he represents a large sector of American twenty-somethings. He offered to answer five deep and personal questions. Knowing Dan, he would welcome (as would I) feedback. However keep in mind that he is my brother – whom I love – so any comments that appear to attack him will be immediately deleted. However, don’t let that scare you away from responding – that is the purpose of this blog after all!

1. Would you identify yourself as a Christian? How would you describe Jesus Christ?

I would not identify myself as a Christian according to the general conception that belief in Jesus as Savior removes all sin and grants everlasting life.  The belief itself does more for the soul/psyche than does the actual self-sacrifice made by a historical individual.  I do not believe Jesus was God, or a direct descendent any more than all other persons.  I do believe Jesus of Nazareth was an extremely holy man, as pure of heart and intention as one is likely to find.  His efforts during life and his self-sacrifice are rare, but certainly not unique in all of history.  Great man, wonderful conceptions of how people ought to treat each other, but not a god. Freedom fighters like Jesus have abounded throughout history.

2. What is your view of Christians? If you could address all Christians what would you say to them?

Each person has differing views, knowledge, and beliefs, so I prefer not to generalize.  However, the core beliefs of Christians I perceive as misguided or ill-informed.  I find it extremely difficult to believe that a loving, caring God of the kind espoused by Christians would reject a good soul from Heaven just because they did not proclaim Jesus as the source of salvation.  There is but One God, and all praise to another deity is idolatry.  Jesus himself proclaimed all praise to God, and again Jesus is godly, not God itself.

3. If you could ask God one question, what would you ask?

What was your intention/desire (if any) for creation?

4. What holds you back from giving your life to Christ?

The illogic of belief that one man’s mortal sacrifice in antiquity grants all future persons everlasting life and removal of all sins and transgressions.  I still accept and follow a great many of the teachings of Jesus, but my life is mine, my actions my own.  Jesus is but one of many sources of learning, guidance, and belief.

5. How did growing up in the church/denomination that you did impact (for better or worse) your current stance on Christianity?

Growing up in the Lutheran church allowed me to be immersed in a more traditional learning environment, without going to extremes.  St Stephens Lutheran Church also provided a great many opportunities to engage my faith and beliefs in the community and interact with other denominations.  This enriched my learning experience, and definitely benefitted my spiritual growth.  I was surrounded by well-intentioned and open people, for which I am grateful.

So much happened in such a short hour. I’m at Lutheran Church of Hope celebrating the confirmation of my little sister Jenna. This one event created an intersection of reflective thoughts. In no particular order –

There’s a deep excitement for my sister. She has no more sermon notes to take. If you’ve never had to take sermon notes, then you have no idea just how strenuous that can be. However, that’s not where my excitement lies. This is the point where she begins to take control of her spiritual quest. In the Lutheran church, attendance is mandatory – until you become confirmed. Therefore as high school begins, the first sign of wheat and weeds is discovered (to borrow Jesus’ parable in Matthew 13). I’m prayerful that this will be a season of healthy growth for my sister and that she will prove herself faithful to God and the Church in these next few years. My hope and desire for her is from Philippians 2:12 – to work out her salvation with fear and trembling. Lord, let her not be drawn to believe she has ‘made it’ simply by being confirmed.

My sister’s confirmation was also very personal to me. It was fourteen years ago that I was confirmed in our local Lutheran church. Just as is the case now, as part of my confirmation, I wrote a short faith statement. Much went in to writing, editing, and completing this short paper, which centered on my personal understanding of God. The difficulty in this is that I had a distinct born-again experience of salvation my freshman year of college. Ever since I have contemplated my eternal standing as a youth. In particular I go back to eighth grade when the church decided it was time for me to confirm my faith (or what aspect of it I had). In some ways it felt as if the pastoral staff was saying “I Gotta Have Faith”. I must have repeated after one of the pastors, perhaps stating my “public profession of my faith”. Although I’ve since determined that repeating a pastors words makes me no more a Christian then repeating I Have a Dream makes me Martin Luther King Jr.
What I needed, to help make sense of my childhood faith, is to dig up that faith statement from 1996. My search came up successful and I now present you my 8^th grade confirmation letter. Now I’m calling you to assist me in giving feedback based only on what you know – that is it comes from an eighth grade boy from years ago. What is your natural reaction? Do you sense a proper understanding of forgiveness and salvation?
What has become clear to me, as I keep reading over my faith statement, is the importance of growing up in a church. Eighteen years of a foundation paved the way for my conversion in college.

So now I peek into the third intersecting road of my sister’s confirmation. I question whether a similar program is useful for junior high ministries in the E-Free Church. I am in no way saying someone else needs to at Valley or elsewhere. It is more of a hypothetical question. Should junior high students be trained in a similar way as the Lutheran church, with a more official “graduation” point of their faith, and into high school? Not necessarily saying I’m buying it, but could elicit some interesting points on both sides. As worthy of a consideration is whether the “confirming” of a kids faith should happen after high school rather than junior high – something that does fit within my scope of ministry. Would it sink in more if that were the case? Would churches who operate under confirmation see less drop-off from 8th grade into 9th grade? If ever there was a post where fifty people weighed in – I think this would be the one I would be most interested in receiving others’ perspectives. I’ve said enough – maybe too much – care to weigh in?

This story begins over a week ago. I’m sitting in the Denver airport striking up a conversation with a young lady who is also heading to the infamous DSM International Airport. She happens to work for PBR. If you’re thinking to yourself “What’s PBR?” then I feel less stupid, because I had no idea what she was talking about. Just before boarding the plane, Briana offers my co-worker and I free tickets to the bull riding competition. We decided to sit on it. The opportunity to experience something completely foreign seemed to enticing so I went.
I had no expectations going in that it would be awesome, lame, or simply not me. I decided to go in and see what’s up with all this bull. Nevertheless I was still surprised. It’s a lot more fun sharing about my PBR experience in fast forward – beginning minutes before leaving my house. Here’s how it went…
I need to be ready in ten minutes and I don’t have a clue what I’m going to wear. No cowboy hat, no ginormous belt buckle, and worst of all I have a normal hairstyle. I calmed myself and decided to just be me. Come to find out I wasn’t alone. Although my haircut made me feel a little out of place. The “in” crowd was either fro-hawks or a 21st century mullet.
Driving downtown. I just know they’re going to play country noise all night (country doesn’t count as MUSIC). Should I bring my iPod and listen to it while watching the bull riders? No. Just hang in there – tomorrow is church and I can repent of listening to that stuff. Turns out they played everything but country. Alleluia. Not alleluia as in they played Christian music. Although check this out – the announcer prayed (not just a god prayer but a Jesus prayer) before the national anthem. Tell me when you’ve seen that happen at a non-private school sporting function. *
Oh how embarrassing. I’ve never felt so out of place driving this beater of a car. And I even live in a community full of BMWs and big Suburbans. Look at all these vehicles. Truck. Truck. Truck. After awhile I felt like Dr. Seuss – One Truck, Two Truck, Red Truck, Blue Truck. It really got uncomfortable when I noticed a pair of somethings hanging from the underbelly of a nearby truck. I shall say no more.
The event itself was one of the most confusing I’ve ever been too. The show, as they call it, started with lots of fire, noise, fireworks, and flashy introductions. And yet ended three hours later in the most anti-climatic way imaginable. When the last rider completed his eight seconds and victory was his, I was left wondering what would happen after intermission. But it was no intermission. Disbelief. In all my years of following sports I’ve never seen any competition literally get progressively dull from beginning to end. It’s almost like if the MLB began having batting practice after the actual game. And the winner was not the guy who hit the most home run balls but the bat boys who were able to shag the most balls.
All that to say I’m thrilled I went. It’s great to try new things. Doesn’t mean I’ll be hitting up Disney on Ice next winter, although I’m cheap enough that if I received free tickets I’d probably go.

I think it’s my preschool teachers fault that I stare. Remember back to those early childhood years when the classic game was having a staring contest. What was that all about anyways? Don’t get me wrong it cracks me up that this would actually entertain four year old boys. And how brilliant are preschool teachers. It’s three in the afternoon and you are worn out from the group of boys who refuse to calm down. Their parents won’t show up for another two hours. So what do I do? “Hey boys, why don’t you guys have staring contests and see who can stare at the other the longest.” “OK says lil Jon. Fun.”
Is there any value to that game? Are our preschools mass producing future starers? Well twenty-five years later I find myself still staring. Usually it’s me drifting off. I’m thinking about what I’m going to blog about next, and it just so happens my eyes are locked in with that dude’s mullet. I don’t even have to mention how those moments have put me in embarrassing situations on more than one occasion. But there are also the intentional stares. While at Catalyst West in L.A. I found myself staring at people a lot. On the West Coast things (and people) don’t look the same out there. After feeling kind of bad, I decided to ask my co-workers if they have been staring much. Let’s just say their answers didn’t make me feel less guilty about this habit. I concluded that maybe I’m the only one who stares – and perhaps it’s just me trying to redeem a childhood of losing at the staring contest.
As I’ve come to grips with my bad habit, I was forced to look in the mirror (yes I even stare at myself) and ask myself “What tends to catch my attention that I find myself staring?” Deep question I know. My answer: guys shoes and hairstyles. Apparently if you don’t have an interesting hair-do then apparently you don’t fascinate me. Not really, but at least you’ll be spared of me staring at you. Are there self-help classes that deal with this issue? Or am I alone?