Last weekend I completed the wedding circuit. Or in baseball talk – I hit for the cycle. Having experienced the role of groom in 2004, officiate in 2007, and groomsman in 2007, last weekend I made my debut as best man. Each role is of course unique and very meaningful. But which did I enjoy most – purely based on the role and not the couple getting married in each (after all it would be a no brainer considering I married the hottest girl on this side of Mars).

It may be imperfect, but here’s the winner of each category:

Pressure: Groomsman
Let me go ahead and rule out pastor on this one. Yikes. On my first officiated wedding I forgot to seat the congregation. It would not be exaggerating for me to say I’m less nervous to preach in front of 1000 than to officiate another wedding. Meanwhile, how about the back-up groomsman. Guy pretty much does nothing but chill. Gets to hang out in the green room all day. No chance of blowing the reception speech since he doesn’t get the mic. And not able to lose the wedding rings. Kind of makes me think of having second row seats at a Michael Buble concert.

Cost: tie – Officiate & Best Man
Typically the pastor would take the cake – particularly in that we actually make money doing weddings (though don’t be fooled the government doesn’t even want their piece of this pie). However in my particular circumstance the groom paid for my outfit and the bachelor party was pretty low budget as well. When you throw in the gift that I received for being the best man – you can see how I ended up with a tie here. It should go without saying, but my wedding came in last place. No – I didn’t have to pay thousands of dollars – I gladly left that bill to my in-laws (love you guysJ). But there were still costs on my shoulders – can you say honeymoon.

Stress-Free Enjoyment: Best Man
I’ll admit this is purely subjective, but this is my blog so I get to decide **. I absolutely enjoyed planning the bachelor party and hanging out with the boys. The come wedding day, the best man almost acts like a body guard to the groom. Yeah, we were tight. During the ceremony I was so close to the couple that when the bride started crying it seemed like I had 3D goggles on I was so close to the action. Then the reception – I owned. You could say I don’t mind getting on stage with a mic in my hands. Both roasted and toasted the groom – throwing out brilliant brosephs all over the place. Talk about working the crowd. Ok, I’m kidding I wasn’t that good. But I enjoyed the snot out of it.

Value: My wedding…duh
Till death do us part. 5½ years and counting of the best years of my life. I loved our wedding. I loved starring at the woman I dreamed of marrying. Value…that’s like finding an Express button up shirt at Goodwill. Just doesn’t get any better than that.
Honorable Mention to the Pastor, just barely over groomsman and best man. Technically aside from the bride and groom the only other person needed is the pastor.

Privilege: tie – Best Man & Officiate
Tough call. Both are legit honors. I was surprised as much to be asked to wed friends and family as I was to be to the right of the groom.

Nothing more important than marrying my bride. However, the ultimate winner of the “Perfect Dude Wedding Role” is…the Best Man.

Christian by Design

The Christian “fish” has a unique story to it. At least how I recall hearing it. Apparently during a time when it was illegal to announce you were a Christian – believers found a unique way to identify themselves. While one was not permitted to speak the words “I’m a Christian”, they created a code. It was simple. One person would draw half of a simple fish outline. And if the person was also a Christian they would draw the other half of the fish. It was one way to communicate between two believers. Brilliant.

Indeed times are different now. Nothing is stopping me from announcing I’m a Christian. But how am I to know whether others are? That’s where this communication concept kicks in. Wouldn’t it be nice to know, going into a conversation, whether the person is a Christian or not? I’m not huge on cramming Jesus down peoples throats. Plus I’ve been evangelized to in Des Moines coffee shops by members of a particular church – who assumed everyone is a non-believer…unless you go to their church. I suppose it’s left a bad taste in my mouth of that church. I don’t want to be like that. But the problem still exists – how do I know?

Gone are the days when I would walk up to someone and draw a squiggly fish on paper; then wait to see if the person across from me throws the sign back. Not going to lie, that’d be wicked cool but really awkward in todays world. All that to say, perhaps there’s still signs that suggest some stranger is a Christian. Consider these:

• Anyone wearing TOMS Shoes. While these shoes are being introduced in malls across the country, its name isn’t recognized strongly outside of Christianity. TOMS was the creative idea of Blake, a born again believer. The concept is incredible – perhaps because it reflects Scripture. They are unique looking shoes. And when I see them, I’m pretty confident ‘they got Jesus’.
• Bible verse tattoo. I know I’m pretty attentive right?! I just have no more confidence in any other tattoo. Once upon a time people bearing a cross tattoo would have been making it know who’s their God. Not so anymore. Then it seemed like Greek writing was in. But now it seems that any word is cooler in Greek so there’s no telling who is showing off their Christian tat.
• One piece swimsuits. Yeah ladies – nothing says Christian purity like a one piece. I would have expected by now for the male equivalent to have hit. Dry-fit shirts. My entrepreneur mind is already going to town with a Christian company that sells Christian ‘designer’ dry-fit shirts. And no, I wouldn’t put a play-on-words cheesy slogan on the shirts. For now our Christian sistas are taking the lead here. I love when I’m hitting up the waterpark and notice the conservative corner. Thanks for helping us brothers out.
• Side hugs. Let’s be honest Christian peeps, we are the only ones in the world who throw out the side hugs with our friends. I almost feel confident enough to say that watching two people hug is a sign they are Christians – are at least a hint. Just seems like the world has given up on hugging. I love hugs. I can’t get enough of them. And no – I don’t just do side hugs. But thanks to StuffChristiansLike.com – I have to admit they are pretty hott right now.
• Neighbors mowing their lawn on Saturday. I picked this one up in Pella and it seems to be sticking with me. In Pella if you mow your yard on Sunday you just turned the entire neighborhood against you. You just sealed your eternal state. To not go to church is a town blasphemy in Pella, and no greater sign of a non church-goer than to be mowing your yard on a Sunday. Henceforth I have concluded that Christians must mow their yard on Saturdays. Of course this isn’t a gimme. After all anyone can technically mow their yard on Saturday. That’s when you look at what they are wearing. Jean shorts? Guaranteed. Tank top – too close to call. And for safety measure if you’re driving by someone mowing on a Saturday and they wave at you – check them off the list of people you need to invite to next years Easter service.

We all have a big BUT. Grant it, some are bigger than others. But the point isn’t to compare your BUT to anyone else’s BUT. You…and I…need to work on our own BUT. Let me explain.
I’m reading through Luke [as in the third book of the New Testament] the other day and am struck by three men whom Jesus has back-to-back-to-back encounters with. All three appear to be interested in following Christ. I’m thinking they were having a spiritual high day and were “feeling” like they wanted to be Christians but weren’t sure if they wanted to go all in. You’ve been there before right? For me it happens after lunch typically. My devotion first thing in the morning got me charged up and then I’m coasting through my day Jesus-style when I’m confronted with a follow Jesus moment. It’s 3 o’clock and I’m not “feeling” it. A lot of times I respond to God (no more audibly then he speaks to me) with a “yeah I’ll do that BUT first I want to do this”.
All three men Jesus visited with on this particular afternoon, in Luke 9:57-62, did the same. “Sure Jesus, be right behind you, BUT first I need to _________.”
I hate those days when I have a really big BUT – and I know it’s not the jeans. Jesus wants us to sell out to Him. Not to be the same. Not to be like those who don’t know Him. Christ wants to be first in our lives. My favorite definition of a Jesus follower comes in Luke 9:23. Typically we need to deny ourselves first.
I’m trying to figure this out in every context of my life. In my relationships, in my ministry, in my spiritual disciplines, in my service, and in my priorities. Consider doing the same. After all, there’s not a single one of us who enjoys having a big BUT; with the exception of Sir Mix a Lot.

I thrive on relationships. Every decade of my life would tell of the importance of people. Since I am an extravert, I’ve typically found others gravitate towards me, and I to them. So it doesn’t exactly surprise me to discover that I have over 1,000 friends. On Facebook that is. There was a time where I hoped I would one day join the Facebook K-Club, after three and a half years I’ve arrived. But before anyone calls the popularity police, there’s probably a few things I need to admit.

1. Roughly one hundred fifty of my 1,000 have yet to graduate from high school. I think there was a time when that would have been embarrassing, or sketchy, but social networking has removed that like a popped zit. Of course being a youth pastor may have something to do with that. Then consider how nearly a hundred of my friends are over ten years older than I; guess you could say I have a well balanced group of friends.

2. The glamour of 1,000 friends started wearing off pretty quickly when I started to realize how many I haven’t seen in at least a year. As I started trekking through my friends, I became overwhelmed. By the time I got through those with first names starting with “A” and “B”, I had already counted 72. If that were proportional to the rest of the alphabet then 936 of my 1,000 friends, I have not seen in over a year. That would put me in the ranks of lame or online loser. I’m confident that over half of my friends I’ve had a face-to-face interaction in the last year. But that hardly sounds legit. Quite the contrary – what relationship do I really have with these people? Are we really friends or is Facebook playing me for a fool? Maybe those smart Harvard boys should change their social networking site to have layers of relationships. That way I could have my Facebook “friends”, “acquaintances”, and for safe measure – “I have no clue who you are” group.

3. That brings me to my third case in point. You know that not even Facebook should call people friends when you have to look through a person’s entire info page as well as dozens of pictures in order to figure out how in the world you even know them. I had seven of those by the time I got through the “B’s”. Surely someone is thinking – why do you accept complete strangers? I didn’t. With each of my friend requests we had friends in common. Usually there was one interaction. Might have figured it out. Facebook reinvents the six degrees of Kevin Bacon. If someone else knows someone you know, then hip hip hooray we’re friends.

There’s been a lot to think about with this ‘milestone’ on Facebook. As I flipped through all my friends one thought trumped all others. I’m a terrible (Facebook) friend. I need to have a Facebook reunion, where I get together with everyone and see how everyone is doing. Truth is, I don’t like being your Facebook friend. Relationships mean more to me than status and pokes. So I have mixed emotions. Glad that I’ve built relationships over the years, but bummed that so many of them are distant memories.

What are holidays without candy? Let’s face it – our culture has turned some of the most meaningful days of the year into candyland. Oh how I love the game Candyland. But that’s not the reason for writing this post.
I’m not all that fond of candy these days, but that doesn’t mean I’ve crossed off junk food from my daily diet. Quite the contrary. I actually enjoy a healthy amount of chocolate (can I phrase it that way?). When holidays come around I’m guilty of what I call the “Day After”. Here’s how the day after works – stores such as Target and Wal-Mart have a sizable inventory of treats from the holiday just celebrated. And of course they need to get rid of that stash in a hurry to make room for the next holiday treats – which is probably still three months out. That means di$count. With today being the “Day After”, I’ve already planned to pick up some Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs. What discounted Easter treat tickles your fancy?

That brings me to the latest Weekly Question: Which holiday treats do you most enjoy?

• Valentine’s Day
• Easter
• Christmas
• Halloween

It’s no wonder why American’s love their credit cards. In so many ways they characterize the typical life. Seems weird to say – after all its just plastic right? Certainly not; these giants are game-changers and they have managed to make puppets out of us. I had a light bulb moment, one that if written in a book would be found in the tragic comedy section of Barnes & Noble. In a way this ‘book’ is fictitious as the people walking around are really credit cards with appendages. But the fiction is stripped when we discover that these people are really Christians.

Have you noticed the way Christians (used loosely) resemble credit cards? If not, then take a look at my list below and consider whether I’m referring to credit cards or Christians…

• Indulge in what you want now (temptations) and pay the price later
• Once you max out with the One you have, just open a new one – it’s like you get a new start
• You’re in control: have the One in your pocket and when you feel like using it go ahead, but only when you want to
• Don’t share your One with anyone; what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is yours
• While it may not be most beneficial to me, I’ll just give the minimum amount this month
• I really only use the One I have when it gives me rewards
• Even though It says don’t leave home without It, I sometimes do – even on purpose
• For now I don’t have much interest with this One
• When I opened up this new One, I put all my past debt on It
• Thanks to that period of grace, I guess its okay to add some charges to It

Conclusion? You be the judge. After you decide, open up the comment box and share your own dual purpose statements. Surely there are some humorous and creative minds out there.

This week was a big one for Judah. He turned one on Wednesday – apparently a milestone in a kid’s life. He was able to celebrate the weekend before. This weekend I’m the one celebrating thanks to my son. On Friday he solidified a tax break since he was born in 2009. Turned out to be a difference maker. I owe him one (pun intended). Then tonight Kelly and I decided to hit up Z’Mariks for supper. We hadn’t given much thought to Judah eating – typically we just give him small bits of our meal – until I saw a sign that said Saturday’s kids eat free with the purchase of an adult entrée. Well you know we already had a coupon for buy 1 get 1 adult meal free. But now, the possibility of another free meal. The questions started coming at me quick. ‘Is Judah too young for the free kids meal?’ ‘Is it wrong to order him a free meal, knowing that he won’t be able to eat much of it?’ ‘So does that mean I’m allowed to eat the rest of his meal?’

Having never been in this situation before I found myself frozen for a  short while. Then I decided to go after it. We ordered him the mac & cheese. While he ate well at the restaurant, we now have roughly four meals worth of food for him at home. As I left the restaurant I wasn’t sure whether to feel brilliant or ashamed. Cheap or proud. Unethical or a good steward of my money.

I learned my lesson tonight – it looks like we’ll be eating out more now. I wouldn’t mind some seconds thanks to Judah.

Help me out here. This picture is one of my latest. Not one of the usual “looks” that I have. Which caused me to ask of you: according to this picture, which profession would you guess I have? Please (with as much humor as possible) support your answer.

1. NASCAR driver
2. Mechanic at the eastside auto body shop
3. Bowling alley pro
4. Iowa State Fair carny

In searching myself I’ve discovered the one element of people that rises above all the rest. This attribute has the power to bond two people or tear two people apart. In fact it may only take one raw abuse of this element to distinguish which category you are in. As I said, this is a powerful element.
Through much reflection, and the help of a well written book titled Leadership and Self-Deception, I’ve realized that the most important quality to me is trust. When I look at many of the characteristics I want to see in my relationships with others, they begin with a foundation of trust. Most notably is vulnerability. The more I’ve evaluated myself in certain settings, the more I see how I handle myself based on the level of trust I have with the members in that environment. And it is obvious. I’m either talkative or not. I love talking, and I love being open with my thoughts, feelings, opinions – well you name it. So when I’m silent – know that I just dropped a hint. *
Trust is key not just within personal relationships but within teams too. Patrick Lencioni describes in his book 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, how trust is the essential element for any team to be successful. I really appreciate that insight. And could not agree more. Even within ministry there have been those of whom I have trusted and those who I haven’t. It is extremely difficult to work hand in hand (as we ought) to do ministry together.
There are still some issues of trust that I have yet to figure out. For instance, how many personal fouls against trust are required before you get tossed out of the game (my apology for those who don’t understand basketball talk). In other words, why is it that with most people in my life, if you’ve violated my trust in you once, it’s very difficult for me to trust you again. Meanwhile, there are some who have violated that multiple times – albeit in less harmful ways – and yet I still am open and trustworthy of them. Another question that comes to mind is how to regain trust in that person. In my past, if that trust is severed, I’ve for the most part written you off. Problem is, that list has grown a lot over the years and seems to have gotten longer than those I really trust. That’s a problem folks. So I’ve come back to the drawing board to decide how does one go about regaining trust with someone who has previously lost that? Keeping in mind that I don’t think it’s wise to just forget completely and rush right into it. Seems foolish and it’s like you’re asking to be served once again. So what does that look like? Should it be a process? Or should the past be ignored and trust quickly restored? Since I’m a student of God’s Word, if you have related Scripture to share please do so. However, I’d love to hear others’ wisdom as well. Keep the trust.

Is that me in the yellow sweatshirt? lol